Several weeks ago (o.k., it’s been two months) I mentioned that, in my attempt to break back into the job market, I was going to attend a Nurse Reentry program to refresh my skills and make me more “hirable.” Well, I’ve now completed the program, and feel somewhat less overwhelmed by the idea of returning to nursing. Somewhat. It’s been around 15 years since my last actual nursing job, and I can tell you that the changes in the field are nothing short of stupefying. When I worked as a nurse, “back in the day” for example, there was virtually no computer component to nursing. Yes, there was computer technology being utilized in the hospital setting. While I was an admissions rep – during nursing school – the hospital I worked at introduced computers and CRTs into the admissions department. It was a glorified combo of fancy typewriters and computer screens, but, hey, it was a computer and I, for one, thought we had arrived! Of course, once I got to actual nursing, computers were limited mostly to checking labs and monitoring telemetry. There were computer systems at work behind the scenes, but nothing hands-on for nurses. We knew they were coming, but use of computers in the nursing process was a far-off dream (or nightmare, depending on how computer-literate one is.) It was just not possible for most of the clinical population to imagine what the digitalization of the medical profession would look like.
There are numerous other changes I observed during my clinical hours, enough to be intimidated right out the door! The new meds, the (even more) complicated medical conditions and their (even more) complicated treatments, the new HIPAA laws and accompanying myriad policies – to name a few significant changes in the field. When I made the decision to start this journey, I was just short of terrified. I knew there were many changes, and I felt my own shortcomings acutely. I had a 90-minute drive each way, I was having some bouts of major back pain (some of it fear-driven), and I did not have much faith in my powers of recall for the skills I once possessed. I’m no “spring chicken,” and I truly did not know how I would get through the days of 12-14 long hours on my feet.
I feel a bit ashamed to admit that I was so fearful. You do what you have to do, and now, especially, you can’t let fear or weakness play a role in what must be done to make a living. Suffice it to say that in this particular situation I was not feeling the strength! Nevertheless, I was determined to make a go of it. And along the way, I found something surprising: the ability to do it, and do it well. When I started out, I prayed, “God, I don’t know how in the world I’m going to do this. It’s scary to even consider. But I know that You’re in it, and not only that, but you are the well-spring of my strength, so that even if I don’t feel up to the job, You will do it through me. So, I offer my will, and my weak body to Your service, for You to use and to work through. I say, as Mary said, ‘Be it unto me according to Your will.’” The first thing I had to do was acknowledge that it was God’s will for me to enter – and finish – the program. I then needed to surrender to Him to complete it. Philippians 1:6 says, “…He who has begun a good work in you will complete it…” I only had to trust that Word. If He started it, He would finish it. So, every morning that alarm went off at 4:30, I got up and reminded myself that God was enabling my steps that day, and He would get me through it. Did I have days that my back hurt? Yes. Did I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the new stuff I had to assimilate? Absolutely. And in those moments (er, hours) I found myself being comforted and reminded not to let my mind wander too far into the future with thoughts of “if this is how I feel now…” The Holy Spirit was so gracious in giving me what I needed for the moment. As such, as long as I stayed in the moment, I was far more able to focus on and remember what I was trying to learn. And staying in the moment gave me another added bonus: I recalled so much more than I ever thought I could! Skills that I once possessed floated to the surface like life preservers, right when I needed them. They came to me like the proverbial “riding the bike,” never really forgotten.
I could quote a bunch of scripture passages about having hope, having a future, being able to do all things in Christ, and they would all be pertinent. But the thing that gave me strength to do what I needed to do was focusing on trusting God for the moment. Knowing that since He was going to finish what He started, all I had to do was keep my eyes on Him in the moment. In fear, anxiety, pain, stress, or being overwhelmed with whatever I’m facing, He just wants me to trust Him for that moment, and not try to figure how I’m going to do the whole thing. In knowing that, I found peace, and ultimately, my strength to go on.
Recent Comments